Saturday Is Old Radio Day (Even if it's Sunday and not a radio show): Victor Borge (1990)

Bringing Back Duelling

Charles C.W. Cooke at National Review has a little fun with current events in his In Defense of Teenage Knife Fighting

Is there any tradition that the radicals won’t ruin? As the brilliant Bree Newsome pointed out on Twitter, “Teenagers have been having fights including fights involving knives for eons.” And now people are calling the cops on them? I ask: Is this a self-governing country or not? When Newsome says, “We do not need police to address these situations by showing up to the scene & using a weapon,” she may be expressing a view that is unfashionable these days. But she’s right.

Disappointingly, my colleague Phil Klein has felt compelled to join the critics. In a post published yesterday, Phil asked in a sarcastic tone whether the police should “somehow treat teenage knife fights as they would harmless roughhousing and simply ignore it.” My answer to this is: Yes, that’s exactly what they should do — yes, even if they are explicitly called to the scene. I don’t know where Phil grew up, but where I spent my childhood, Fridays were idyllic: We’d play some football, try a little Super Mario Bros, have a quick knife fight, and then fire up some frozen pizza before bed. And now law enforcement is getting involved? This is political correctness gone mad.

Wile Mr. Cooke was being funny, it does remind me of the fact that once upon a time in our world, single combat was a method of settling differences, without law enforcement being involved. As set out in this PBS article, The History of Dueling in America

...By 1804, dueling had become an American fixture. And for another thirty years or more, its popularity would continue to grow.

Like many early American customs, dueling was imported. Starting in the Middle Ages, European nobles had defended their honor in man-to-man battles. An early version of dueling was known as "judicial combat," so called because God allegedly judged the man in the right and let him win. In an era known for its bloody encounters, judicial combats probably prevented men from killing in the heat of passion. Still, numerous authorities, including heads of state and the Catholic Church, banned dueling -- with little effect.

In 1777, a group of Irishmen codified dueling practices in a document called the Code Duello. The Code contained 26 specific rules outlining all aspects of the duel, from the time of day during which challenges could be received to the number of shots or wounds required for satisfaction of honor. An Americanized version of the Code, written by South Carolina Governor John Lyde Wilson, appeared in 1838. Prior to that, Americans made do with European rules.

In a typical duel, each party acted through a second. The seconds' duty, above all, was to try to reconcile the parties without violence. An offended party sent a challenge through his second. If the recipient apologized, the matter usually ended. If he elected to fight, the recipient chose the weapons and the time and place of the encounter. Up until combat began, apologies could be given and the duel stopped. After combat began, it could be stopped at any point after honor had been satisfied.

Edward Doty and Edward Lester, of the Massachusetts colony, fought the first recorded American duel in 1621, just a year after the Pilgrims arrived at Plymouth. Armed with swords, both men sustained minor wounds. A unique aspect of this duel was that Doty and Leicester were servants. For the most part, only gentlemen dueled.

****

In America, duels were fought by men from all walks of life. But many of America's most important citizens defended their honor on the dueling grounds. Button Gwinnet, who had signed the Declaration of Independence, was shot down by General Lachlan McIntosh in a duel. Commodore Stephen Decatur of the United States Navy, an experienced duelist, died at the hands of another commodore, James Barron. And Abraham Lincoln narrowly averted a battle with swords by apologizing to an Illinois state official he had ridiculed in a local newspaper.

Well, we may need to bring back duelliing. And forget that part about "only gentlemen duelled" - it should be open to all regardless of gender, creed, race, sexual identity, and national origin.

In fact, we ought to shame all those who seek to settle differences by "drive by" shootings by declaring them to be cowardly scum and point out that if they were brave enough nothing should prevent them from dropping a gauntlet on their foe and seeking redress on the duelling grounds. While I don't know what drove the young woman in Columbus to attempt to knife fight, it would have been better had she declared her concerns and challenged her opponents to a duel, with a choice of weapons.

It seems to me that such duels, properly seconded and attended by medical personnel, would greatly simplify policing and reduce the threat to innocent parties.

Just a thought.

Russians vs. Sons of the Prophet - an old song

Update: Song background here:

"Abdul Abulbul Amir" is the most common name for a a music-hall song written in 1877 (during the Russo-Turkish War) under the title "Abdulla Bulbul Ameer" by Percy French, and subsequently altered and popularized by a variety of other writers and performers.

Fun with Fake News: World to End, etc

Sometimes, after a day of scanning various media and electronic things, I have to go to Weekly World News (THE WORLD'S ONLY RELIABLE NEWS), for real fake news (and they are proud of it), for instance, EARTH TO COLLIDE WITH NIBIRU ON OCTOBER 17, 2017!

NASA scientists have reportedly confirmed that the planet Nibiru will

collide with Earth on October 17, 2017 or 17/10/17.

The Nibiru collision with Earth in 2017 has been predicted for a long time, but astrophysicists, cosmologists and astronomers around the world have now come to a consensus that Earth will indeed collide with the planet, which lies just outside Pluto.

Nibiru, in Babylonian Astronomy translates to “Point of Transition” or “Planet of Crossing,” especially of rivers, i.e. river crossings or ferry-boats, a term of the highest point of the ecliptic, i.e. the point of summer solstice, and its associated constellation. The establishment of the Nibiru point is described in tablet 5 of the Enuma Elish. Its cuneiform sign was often a cross, or various winged disc. The Sumerian culture was located in the fertile lands between the Euphrates and Tigris rivers, at the southern part of today’s Iraq.
***
Natural disasters are accelerating exponentially and astronomers believe that they are being caused by Nibiru coming closer and closer to Earth.

I guess we'll all have a ring-side seat.

I'll bring the popcorn.

More on Nibiru here.

You'd think those alleged "NASA scientists" would be going more public with this sort of information.

Be Safe Out There

From our friends at The Naval Safety Center, from their remarkable photo collection:

Well, sure, "offices" take plenty of time off.

Tuesday's Grim Humor Attempt

Jeff Bacon nailed it in this "golden oldie moment:"

Bureaucracy in Action: Lying to Please the Man

All of us struggle with layers of the government that are put in place to administer the laws that impact us.

All of us includes those on the highest seats of power.

How do activities in the bureaucracy below the palace level end up in causing so much trouble?

Well, there is this old Russian story about a clerical error that turned into much, much more.

What follows is a movie based on that tale with its music by Prokofiev. Takes about 85 minutes to watch (if the subtitles don't come up automatically, click on the "CC" thing (which you may have to go to YouTube to find).





Of course, the tale of a living man declared dead is part of Catch-22, another work poking at bureaucracy.

Funny Things

Humor and the military - the two things are vitally linked but every now and then you need a reminder.

For example, there is this photo of an LCAC entering a well deck:

Nice bit of framing an image by Gunnery Sgt. Rome M. Lazarus.

But wait - there's more. If you look at the left side of the picture, there's a red flag ("B" or "Bravo" flag meaning "I am taking in, discharging, or carrying dangerous cargo") with something on it. So, when you zoom in on that flag, you see this:

Why, that's "Dirty Harry" methinks.

Made me laugh. Reminded me of the great sailors of the U.S. Navy who manage to do things that stagger your mind and make it personal in what too many of us think of as an impersonal, lockstep military world. So, unknown LCAC master and Phibron boss, BZ for allowing some modern "nose art." And thanks for the laugh this morning.

Another bit of humor from the USNI News site "Iranian Copy of U.S. Unmanned Stealth Aircraft is a Fake":

However, unlike the original U.S. version of the aircraft, the Iranians claim their version of the Sentinel is armed—and designed to engage U.S. Navy warships at sea. Sources with knowledge of the RQ-170 design dismissed the Iranian copy as a crude mockup.

“It seems their fiberglass work has improved a lot. It also seems that if it were a functional copy, versus a detailed replica, it wouldn’t necessarily have the exact same landing gear, tires, etc,” said one source with familiar with the RQ-170.
“They would probably just use whatever extra F-5 parts or general aviation parts they had lying around.”

I have to hand it to the the Iranian disinformation group, they certainly keep trying hard.

If you missed some of the original reporting of Iran's coup in reverse-engineering, here are a couple of samples: (a) The Sydney Morning Herald and (b) International Business Times. The original FARS news report is here:

IRGC experts said the Iran-made RQ-170, similar to its original model, will be able to conduct surveillance and reconnaissance missions, but it has been equipped with the bombing capability as well to be able to carry out a wider range of missions.

The highly-advanced radar-evading US RQ-170 was downed by the IRGC in Western Iran more than two years ago and its indigenized model developed by Iranian experts through reverse engineering was among the most important sections of the exhibition.

The US army uses the drone for reconnaissance missions but the IRGC Aerospace experts have equipped the Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) with bombing capabilities, enabling it to operate as a bomber aircraft against the US warships in any possible showdown between the two countries.

Okay, suppose the Iranians really have reverse-engineered the RQ-170? And added a "bombing capability?" While maintaining the same aircraft profile? Then, well, wowsers, they are so good we should be trembling.

But probably not.

Dirty Harry they aren't.

Sea Monkey Business

Stolen Liberated from The Goat Locker:

Art from here

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Chief Petty Officer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have an Seaman monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the Customer,saying "That'll be $1000." The Chief paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can clean heads and passageways, perform routine maintenance on ship or hangar fittings, troubleshoot and repair complex avionics systems with no mistakes,well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a Petty Officer monkey; it can instruct GMT, CSTT, PRT, DC, 3M, PQS qualify the Seaman monkey and even do some paperwork. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's an Officer."

Ah, Chief humor.

A Little Joke

In one of my volunteer jobs the ability to e-mail plays a key role, just as it does in most everything else in our lives.

Today one of the other volunteers was concerned that her e-mails were taking forever to send. I naturally responded, "Probably the electrons are holding a work slowdown in hopes of being able to charge more."

Groans ensued.

You may now return to your normal lives.

Iran Reveals New Aircraft Carrier

Sure, this is supposed to show off the "F-313 Stealth Fighter Jet", but no one tows an operational aircraft on baggage carts, do they?

Of course not!

So, what we are seeing (in addition to the alleged stealth fighter (which has already been properly mocked)), I think we may be seeing a new Iranian aircraft carrier system. Look at the picture above (from "Iranian Spotters" via The Aviationist via Pakistan Defense Forum, etc) and compare it to a U.S. aircraft being towed by a similar tow tractor below:

U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 3rd Class Todd Frantom

So, if the Iranians are being very, very truthful (are you holding your breath waiting for that?) and their F-313 is anything more than a large plastic model which lacks a steerable front wheel (see comments to The Aviationist post), wouldn't one expect it to be towed like the older U.S. Navy aircraft in the second photo?

Sure, unless the secret here is in the tow carts and the tractor pulling them. I think the real secret tech in this photo lies in those carts, which I suspect are some sort of launch device capable of getting an aircraft without a steerable front landing gear into the air. I mean, look at those tie downs - they have to restrain this heavy fighter from lifting off from those carts even as the "aircraft carrier" is headed uphill with two launch techs riding on the lead cart and the canopy propped open . . .

Notice how the identifier "Iranian Spotters" carefully is placed to conceal the special baggage cart - er- transporter wheel system - that's the technology the Iranians want to hide here. They have developed a special high speed aircraft launcher that saves aircraft weight (hey, no complicated front wheel stuff and saves fuel in getting planes airborne . . .)

I'm still working on a theory of how they get a plane to land back on the carts, but perhaps they just match speeds with the carts and tractor so the plane just drops into place.

Or not.

Modern Warship Design

At the top, from 1863, a replica of CSS Ablemarle. Lower image, USS Zumwalt (DDG-1000) circa 2013.

That they both float and are warships is about all they have in common. Still . . .

Thursday Safety Show

Ah, here's one of the rare ones, "Safety in Offices" -

The Lovely Irony of ("former") Somali Pirates, Protection Rackets and Other Scams

Anyone who has followed any aspect of the rise of the Somali pirates knows that they have long used the excuse (see here (2006) and here (2005)) that they were acting as some sort of Coast Guard to protect the fisheries of Somali waters from incursions by illegal, outside fishing boats.

Those with a little more knowledge will know that outside fishing interests used to pay fees to "leaders" in Somalia to gain "licenses" to allow their fishing boats to go unmolested in Somali waters. You will also recall that the Somali "coast guards" began to attack ships having nothing to do with fishing and which traversed waters far from any possible Somali claim. In short, the pirate life in Somalia has always been based on a foundation of misrepresentation. As noted by UN report linked below,

For the past decade, the Monitoring Group has reported extensively on Somali piracy. It has mapped how piracy grew out of a kind of protection racket in response to illegal fishing and toxic waste dumping, and evolved into a money-driven, clan-based, transnational organized crime, constituting a threat to global shipping.

So, given that, should the recent UN report revealing that "former" Somali pirates are hiring themselves out to protect fishing vessels illegally fishing in Somali waters be much of surprise?

How about the fact that some of these pirates are being funded by a group of Arabian Gulf money men? See Muscat Daily's report GCC businessmen supporting illegal fishing in Somalia:

A UN report released last week has revealed fears that businessmen in the Gulf region may be actively supporting illegal fishing in Somali waters, often using former pirates as armed guards for the fishing vessels.
***
‘Puntland officials estimate tens of thousands of tonnes of illegal catch has been fished from Puntland’s coastline between 2012 and 2013 by hundreds of illegal fishing vessels. The vessels are mainly Iranian and Yemeni-owned and all use Somali armed security. The Monitoring Group inspected four forged fishing licences registered between May and October 2012 that have been confiscated from unlicenced Iranian vessels by international naval forces,’ stated the report. ‘Local fishermen from different communities along the Puntland coast between Las Qoray and Hafun have confirmed that the private security teams on board such vessels are normally provided from pools of demobilised Somali pirates and coordinated by a ring of pirate leaders and associated businessmen operating in Puntland, Somaliland, the UAE, Oman, Yemen and Iran.’

You may recall an earlier post about the successes of Somalis protecting illegal fishing from May 2013, Somalia: Sometimes you have to laugh - "Puntland seizes 5 illegal fishing boats, 78 Iranians arrested".

North Korean Idle Threat of the Day: "Your Bases Will Be Ashes," we say, "ashes!"

From the official NORK unintentional humor site, News From KOREAN CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY of DPRK:

Upon receiving the statement of the Supreme Command of the Korean

Current Kim-in-Charge Leads Group Sing

People's Army (KPA) issued on Tuesday, all the KPA men and officers are seized with an urge to show the DPRK's will of counteraction by practical military actions.

Pae Kwang Phyo, a KPA officer, told KCNA:

B-52

"Despite our repeated warning, the U.S. imperialist aggressors let their B-52 formation fly again in the sky above south Korea and announced an operational plan targeting the dignity of the DPRK supreme leadership.

Gone are the days when the DPRK made verbal exchange with the U.S.

The KPA Strategic Rocket Force has already been on A-class alert to wipe out the U.S. forces and reduce their bases in Guam and other regions to ashes."

Hong Kum Chol, another officer, said:

"The KPA Air Force is put on alert.

It will never miss the opportunity to sweep away the Anderson air base in Guam."

B-2

The same site reports, "President of Equatorial Guinea Congratulates DPRK on Its Demonstration of National Power."

Perhaps I'm wrong. Maybe the humor is intentional.

The NORKS probably are also "burning mad" because of B-2 bomber flights over South Korea, as reported here.

Polish flagged Il-28

By the way, most reports indicate the sole bomber in the DPRK air armada is a variant of the Il-28 "Beagle" with a range of about 2400 km . The distance from Pyongyang to Guam is roughly 3400 km. 

Ashes!

Tired of the Sea? Here's a retirement option . . .

There is a very old tale told of a sailor so tired of the sea that he took to foot with an oar over his shoulder:

The story, as I remember it, goes roughly like this, that there was an old sailor in the United States Navy--presumably, since the story took place on the East Coast of the US. He put in his thirty years, and took his retirement option, and set out walking down the gangplank with a gunnysack over one shoulder and carrying an oar over the other shoulder, and headed due west inland, and walked somewhere through New Jersey or so, and happened to pass someone standing along the road who waved to him and said,, "Where're you going with that oar over your shoulder?" And he just nodded, and barely looked at the person who greeted him in this fashion, and marched on heading westward, and traveled further and further inland.

At some point in the middle, of, say, Ohio or Indiana he passed someone else alongside the road who waved at him, greeted him, and yelled as he passed by, "Hey, where're you going with that rower over your shoulder?" And he just sort of barely met eyes with the person who greeted him in this fashion, and kept on walking.

And sometime further along the way, perhaps around Nebraska somewhere, he passed someone along the side of the road who said to him something to the effect of, "Hey, mister, what on earth are you carrying that piece of lumber over your shoulder for?" And a grin slowly broke across his face, and he stamped his foot and said, "This is where I'm settling down." And that's the end of the story.

Well, having lived in Nebraska when I was much younger, I believe that sailor could have dropped his oar in western Nebraska or eastern Wyoming and had no further worries about the sea.

Which brings me to this tale of art and opportunity, Own a Nebraska icon: Carhenge is for sale

Carhenge, one of Nebraska's most popular, strangest tourist attractions, is for sale.

The Friends of Carhenge, a nonprofit group that has owned the Stonehenge-esque attraction since 1994, has listed the monument and its 10 acres just outside of Alliance with James Land Co. in Saratoga, Wyo. Asking price: $300,000.

Carhenge is a replica of Stonehenge, a prehistoric monument on Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire, England. More than 800,000 people visit the circle of stones in Great Britain each year, with many thousands dropping in during the summer solstice.

About 80,000 people a year go to the not-so ancient Carhenge about two miles north of Alliance along U.S. 385 in the Panhandle.

Official Carhenge webite here.

I think an old salt just might enjoy the place. After all, the cars are painted haze gray.

Move Over Iran, I've Got A Super Airplane, Too!

Iran recently announced a really, really, really special new airplane that boggles the mind. In fact, it is so technologically superior that many so-called Western "experts" who have worked in the airplane making business cannot figure out how it can propel itself off the ground, or as one source puts it US defense experts unimpressed by alleged Iranian Qaher-313 stealth fighter:

"Anyone can build a mock up. I will believe it's a real jet when I see it fly," Gunzinger says. "Even if it does make it off the ground, I doubt that it will have stealth characteristics."

Goure agrees. "It looks like a prize in a Cracker Jack's box," he says.

Yes, it's a Prize!

Well, I have a prize, too!

Here is a really real pilot standing next to my Super Airplane which I built in my den secret development base deep within a super secret location.

It took some time to perfect those reverse wings, but it was worth the effort, just ask the folks at Grumman who brought out the X-29.

Of course, my cockpit control are more like that of the X-29, instead of the off-the-shelf stuff the Iranians used in their plane. I think mine looks cooler and less like Piper Cub controls.

X-29 Cockpit

Iran F-113 Cockpit with secret source of instrument revealed.

Piper Cub Controls (those were simpler times)

You want flying pictures? Well, here's a really cool photo of the Iranian plane (just ignore the jealous allegations of Photoshoppery made at places like this):

And here's an image, just as real as the Iranian's, of my plane flying:

My plane over NYC

Grumman X-29 Flying (which has little to do with this post, but looks cool)

Iran Fights Pirates -- Better than Anyone Else! Ever! ... Yeah, that's it

From Iran's Fars News Agency - "Navy Thwarts Attempted Hijack of 2 Iranian Cargo Ships":

Lieutenant Commander of the Iranian Navy Rear Admiral Seyed Mahmoud Moussavi said that the Iranian vessels were attacked twice by a total number of 50 Somali pirate speedboats 15 and 26 miles Northwest of the Bab-el-Mandeb Strait.

Moussavi stated that the Iranian naval forces' swift action and their heavy fire forced the pirates to flee the scene.

50 pirate speedboats? 50? Two attacks of 25 each or what?

UPDATE: Well, perhaps it was even more:

Iran's Navy Deputy Commander Rear Admiral Mahmoud Mousavi said Saturday that the two vessels were attacked by 30-50 pirate speedboats respectively at 15 and 26 miles northwest of the Bab al-Mandeb Strait. The pirates fled after Iran's Navy took swift action and opened heavy fire on them, he added.


Mousavi added that the vessels were carrying millions of dollars worth of goods.

So, perhaps it was 60 or 100 pirate boats? Awesome.

Unbelievable.

Literally.

Bring back the Weekly World News. You know, with news you can rely on:

Of course, if I were Iran I might worry about that particular headline.

News You Can Use to Take a Vacation Day: "Alien Spaceships to Attack Earth in November 2012"

Sometimes you just have to read the Weekly World News which reports ALIEN SPACESHIPS TO ATTACK EARTH IN NOVEMBER 2012!:

Beginning in August of 2012 the U.N. will begin preparing citizens of the world for the second attack of the three Gootan spaceships and a subsequent alien attack, which they predict will be “a large-scale assault.”

Thank goodness for the U.N., by golly.

I wonder, though, exactly how one prepares for the attack of the Gootan spaceships?

Do you think the U.N. will do its usual bang up job of preparation? Are the Security Council resolutions drafted forbidding the attack? Oh, I hope so.

Oh, perhaps, like me, you missed the first attack, I guess I was busy or something.

Apparently, according to WNN, there are Gootans already among us.

Shock and horrors.

I guess now you can say you have been warned.


Well, if not an alien attack, something else important is scheduled to happen in November 2012.

Lighten Up

Joint and Combined Fun revealed at Walk the Prank: Secret Story of Mysterious Portrait at Pentagon on WSJ.com