Pick a six month period when your work and home life are at their busiest, get your neighbor to phone you at 2330 (11:30pm), dress in the dark, and hang a brick on string around your neck and stare at the backyard from your patio. Identify the whereabouts of all bats, crickets, moths and stray dogs by sound and sight, keep a written record of everything you see, and choke down at least one cup of four-day old coffee (preferably black) every thirty minutes. Anytime a critter enters the yard, call your wife on the cell phone to apprise her of its movements. On snowy or foggy nights be sure to blow an air horn at regular intervals to warn the neighbors of your whereabouts.Update: He forgot the part about having someone throw water in your face and scream in your ears for parts of your watch.
Have a nice day.
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