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Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Ultimate "Tax Fairness" Plan

New IRS "Fairness Tax" Enforcer
After watching more of the "occupiers of Wall Street," I decided it was time to post and revise a comment reply I made to some comments made to my post He hates these cans. Imagine a day when you get this letter from the IRS:

From IRS "Fairness Division" Washington, D.C.
To: John Doe, Fair American
Subj: Income Tax Fairness

1. It has come to our attention that you are interested in enabling some of the poor and low-income people in this country to not be disproportionately burdened by taxes, citing "payroll tax" as an indicator of unfairness.

2. We accept your kind offer to unburden some of those afflicted by such unfair taxes.

3. We have a proposal as how to make it even more fair.

4. First, we will take your gross income and deduct from it an amount which will make your gross income equal to the national median of such incomes. According to our calculations, this average median income for a family is $56,194. This is your new "fair" income. All amounts over that amount earned by you and your wife will now be distributed to one or more families earning under $56,194 until their income reaches $56,194.

5. Since, under this plan, all family incomes will become equal, all tax burdens will become equal and therefore, perfectly "fair."

6. Further, if you own a home that is paid for or has unused rooms, you will be charged a tax equivalent to the average "rent" paid by non-homeowners for either the entire house or on any empty rooms that could be rented to boarders. This will ensure your expenses are "fair."

7. Since the poor and low-income may not have a car for basic transportation, any cars you have that exceed 1 per family will be taken from you and distributed to any formerly poor and low-income who lack cars. You will be taxed to pay for 1/2 of the gas and upkeep of such car or cars so that the formerly poor are not penalized for their formerly poor status.

8. If you have a vacation home or time share, you will be allowed to use it 1 week per year. The other 51 weeks will be assigned to the formerly poor and low-income. Any golf or other club memberships will be split along the same lines. The formerly poor couldn't save enough on their former low incomes to afford such luxuries and that is clearly unfair.

9. If you have savings, investments, stock ownership or other wealth that exceeds the national average of savings per household, which we guess is about the value of a 6-pack of beer, then the "fairness tax" will claim all of your savings for redistribution to the formerly poor, until everyone has a savings balance equal to one's year's new income or $56, 194.

10. You seem to have college degree. Because this is prima facie unfair, you will pay an "education tax" that will help the less fortunate among us afford college. If you have children, statistics indicate they have an unfair advantage of having a college educated parent or parents. We will remove them from your home and distribute them into other less privileged families. You will be receiving new children born under less fair circumstances soon as replacements.

11. Further, if you have already paid off any student loans, or if you never had any such loans, you will be assigned your very own former student whose loan or loans you will now be responsible for. It's only "fair."

12. Statistics also show the children of intact families have income and other advantages. We will be by with your divorce papers when we pick up your children.

As we think of other unfair aspects of your life, we'll be in touch.

Your Fair Friends at the IRS.

UPDATE: Oh, yes, I almost forgot to add the kicker on "fairness" from this political clown, Jackson, Jr: Obama should ‘declare a national emergency,’ add jobs with ‘extra-constitutional’ action:
llinois Democratic Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. told The Daily Caller on Wednesday that congressional opposition to the American Jobs Act is akin to the Confederate “states in rebellion.”
I believe … in the direct hiring of 15 million unemployed Americans at $40,000 a head, some more than $40,000, some less than $40,000 — that’s a $600 billion stimulus. It could be a five-year program. For another $104 billion, we bailout all of the states … for another $100 billion, we bailout all of the cities,” he said.
Well, if that's the case, why bother even mentioning the Constitution? Just declare martial law and let the redistribution of wealth begin.


  1. Hmm..

    Comparing the larger discussion about "tax fairness" with your fictitious IRS letter is like comparing U.S. Social Security to Soviet-era socialism, or a firecracker to a nuclear warhead.

    I haven't heard anyone say every American should have the same income. The rich would still be rich if the Bush tax cuts were allowed to expire, or if the capital gains tax went back up.

    In fact, most probably got rich in the first place under those older, higher rates.

  2. Anonymous4:15 PM

    Come on Smitty --- why allow facts and reason to get in the way of a good emotional rant against Dirty F*cking Hippies... that is goddamn anti-American to use facts like that.

  3. Heh. Hey, those are Macbook-toting, iPhone-using Dirty F*cking Hippies!

    Have some respect! ;)

  4. Facts? I don't need no stinking facts.

    Watching the video of the "occupier" kid who wanted me to pay for his college education pushed me over the edge. Listening to idiots who want all the debt they acquired all by themselves forgiven didn't help much either.

    Maybe I'd used talking pigs and horses and set it all on a farm . . .

    But if you haven't heard people who assert that every American should have the same income, you just haven't been listening in the right places. The whole "equivalent" pay sets that ball rolling.

    That misses the point I was trying to make (which, I suppose, if I have to explain it I did not make clear enough) is that for some people, the only "fair" system is one like that I describe.

    And, yes, it is just a rant. That's why I have a blog.

  5. How about we redistribute some of the work!

  6. Hey, doing my part by retiring and making room for some body else to take over.